How many Indians do you need to repair an air-conditioning unit?

In the office where I work, one of the air conditioning units conked off. This was being fixed over the last couple of days. There was a swarm of around 5-6 guys who hung around for nearly 6 hours after which they took off. Another day with 5-6 guys in the hallway jabbering away on their cell phone and voila, the A/C was fixed.

I was reminded of another A/C project I undertook last summer when I was here. My parents were scared to get a unit fixed in the living room. Since I had been out of the country for a while, I naively undertook this project. What followed gives me nightmares to this day. It began innocently enough. My close friend's friend sells electronic goods. I called him and ordered a unit and gave him my Amex card number. My mom pleaded with me, saying I still had a chance to back off. I waved her off, saying this is how the new India worked and we would be eating lunch and watching TV as the A/C was humming along. I think she left for the temple to pray for me.

The installation was sub contracted to this guy who called and said he would be come in at 11:00 am. He showed up around 4:00 pm that evening and said we needed a different kind of plug point. I told him to go ahead and do it. He instructed me to call an electrician get the new plug point ready and then call him. My dad then worked the phones and got an electrician. He came in and said it would take him half an hour to get the plug point done…after it was wired properly…which obviously was done by a wiring guy. He knew a guy who would be in at 9:00 am the next day.

After repeated phone calls to the wiring guy whose response usually was that he was just 5 minutes away, work commenced around 1:00 pm and the plug point was ready by 4:00pm. I promptly called the A/C chap who showed up around 7:00 pm. His next demand was that there needed to be small hole for which we had to take the ventilator to a glass cutter. My dad got it done with great difficulty the next day, and the A/C guy showed up around 1:00 pm and said the curtain rods had to be moved. He stripped them and finally the A/C was up and running. I told him to drill some holes and fix the curtain rod. He did not have a drill and also this supposedly was the work of a carpenter as he did not have the “expertise”. I got a chance to spend a couple of hours in the chill of the living room as I was packing to head back to the US. It had taken 3 days and countless phone calls with real progress being made after I started getting nasty.

The whole experience had taken a toll but I did sleep through my journey in the plane. The curtains are still not fixed and so it gets really bright in the morning. These days, along with the ear plugs, I also use the eye patch that I got during my flight to Mumbai. I don’t know if I have it in me to get them fixed. Most of all I cannot stand the look of fear in my mom’s eyes when I bring this up. So here is a tip for those of you visiting your aging parents in India. If you really love them, do not threaten them by saying you will get something fixed in the house.